If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Randomize
