Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
