What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the condom got lost in my hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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