You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
