Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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