From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
