hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was like eating out sand paper
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
