do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
