You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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