My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
