Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
