She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
