I just saw a hot homeless man
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
