if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
