I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
