He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
