Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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