I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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