Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
