Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
