I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
