If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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