**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pappa wants mamma naked
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
