But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
