i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
