Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
