I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
