i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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