Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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