I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
