i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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