Yo dont text me then not text me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
