can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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