dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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