ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
