Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
