I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
