Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
