just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
