theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everyone says I win the strip club
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
