Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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