I wanna bring you to show and tell
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
