Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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