i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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