so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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