she was so not down for the gang bang
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
