I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
