i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
