Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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