i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
