You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
