how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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