I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
