3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
