Define "chronic" masturbator.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
