like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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