we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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