So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
