I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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