i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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