I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
