When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
