Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
