we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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