Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
