Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!