Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
