he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.