How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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