it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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