I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
