I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
